CONFIRMED! DIMEJI BANKOLE IS NOT A NIGERIAN CITIZEN!

January 24, 2010 at 11:18 pm (Uncategorized)

What a revelation. Before the crisis of Yar Adua’s absence took centre stage, no one would have doubted if Dimeji Bankole is a bona fide Nigerian. Fact emerging from this ongoing saga has shown beyond doubt that there is no true Nigerian blood running in his veins.
When Dimeji Bankole became the speaker of the Nigerian house, there was excitement that someone who is well educated someone so young as to realize his own future was at stake as well as those of so many people that are in his age bracket. If the erstwhile avante garde had been playing insensitive politics with the polity, he was expected to breathe in a new life into the polity and restore hope to the people. Not in his dreams did he see himself becoming the speaker of the house. So when the opportunity came to him, with the opportunity came the chance to etch his name in gold even if to the chagrin of the godfathers (some say his father is one of them but it is hard to tell). He had opportunity to look the troublers of Nigeria in the face and call their bluff, reminiscent of what Chris Ngige did to Chris Ubah in Anambra State.
As many of us as misadventured into this hope are doing our best to navigate our disappointed souls back to where we stood waiting for Godot before Bankole came along… READ FULL TEXT. CLICK BANKOLE STRIPPED OF HIS NIGERIAN CITIZENSHIP ON THE PANE TO YOUR RIGHT

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ALL NEW ADULT PAMPERS (18-30 YEARS) Recommended

January 9, 2010 at 3:31 am (Uncategorized)

Distributors are wanted nationwide for a new adult-wear product. Inspired by the events on a Delta plane in Detroit USA last Christmas it is the all-new Pam2Bum for adults, otherwise known as P2B. The concept of the original brand which came in use in sub-Saharan Africa, introduced in the last decade, immediately became a hit. It was simple to use. Just strip off the outer pack and gently slap and pad to the baby’s butt and you are good to go.
Over the years, the product has been moderated and improved especially in response to feedback from end-users. Some of such improvement include
i. Increasing the absorbency capacity to cater for babies with heavy flow and who pee more randomly
ii. Closing down the escape routes down the legs for babies that like sneak-peeing or fluid-pooing.
iii. Creating more holding capacity for babies that produce twice or more their expected fair share (or installed capacity) of pooh
iv. Making the used or loaded product more disposer (or society) friendly. By this is meant that after use it can be folded flat almost like a pie and one could dispose even in refuse-restricted areas as easily as letting one’s handkerchief fall.
v. Including one or two extras (depending on the season) per pack to help parents who are cash-strapped at the time they should be contemplating refill.
However, following the events of Christmas 2009, when a certain over-aged youth re-wrote the manual for the use of the product, there has been a buzz in the industry. The initial response of the management of the Pam brand was that money was coming. They had immediately instituted a lawsuit over the abuse of their product and exposure of their brand to disrepute. When they could not serve the court summons to the chief offender because of U.S hostility to anyone who either mentioned or wrote the words United States without good reasons, they did a re-think. They decided to re-design and expand the brand. The original product sold well among the toddlers and far less among the aged. Here was opportunity to create a designer brand for young people such as would go in tune with their current sagging craze. In case you do not know, sagging is the modern dressing that allows you to belt your trousers or just hang it below the waistline allowing those behind to view a vast array of boxer shorts, some of which became extinct in Europe and America at least one decade ago. Now, they would have access to designer labels for the pampers. This would be called the Swagger Pam. For good measure and to chase off credible competition, it was agreed to float at least two labels. Although coming from the same manufacturers, they would be made to appear to be competing brands. Some notable FOLLYWOOD superstars have been hired to exhibit the brand in every upcoming event including African Nations Cup. A brand of the new Pam product would be designed to look like a EUFA Cup ball. A number of big fashion awards have been bought for the brand over the next six months. Sales are expected to soar.
It would be recalled that the concept of pampers for the youth was first designed by associates of Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab, a young Nigerian accused of attempting to blow up a passenger plane last Christmas. Farouk evaded security by wearing his bomb pampers-style round his essential members. Had the bomb properly detonated, his whatever would have been first to disseminate. With Farouk pleading not guilty in a U.S court, trial is expected to be prolonged. Sales might also jump as effort is being made to raise a team of Save Farouk protesters who would stand opposite the court and wear the new product. They are expected to make all the leading newspapers in the world. They have been advised to turn their bums each time the photo journalists reached for the click. They would be paid according to the number of killer shots that are published.
Like is often mooted, you could find a fortune in the most unexpected places!

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IS NIGERIA INNOCENT OF FAROUK’S BOMB? HELL NO!

January 6, 2010 at 11:14 am (Uncategorized)

The Nigerian situation is tragic. Rather than address real issues, our Government is beating around the bush trying to save face. It beggars belief that the President has been AWOL for over a month yet we carry on as if nothing is amiss. Farouk’s fiery flame was ignited in the wild North, years before his sojourn in Europe and Yemen. By Kene Okoye

Kene speaks my thoughts. How can we say because Farouk did not school in Nigeria therefore he learnt his art somewhere else and we are innocent. America cannot just brand Nigeria. Any fundamentalist that grew up in Northern Nigeria has supervised the killing of Christians, the burning of churches and the looting and burning of government of property. Did Farouk not know about these killings? Did he not hear about Boko Haram or does he not see the fundamentalists that died there as martyrs?
When Muhammed Yusuf was arrested and handed over to the police, we needed to know who sponsored him. We needed to know if he had ties with any terrorist cell. We had questions for him. America would be interested too. The police killed him. The army said they handed him over. The police said it was a lie. BBC… yes BBC published the photograph of the man being handed over. Police changed story. Now the say we should not expect any report, that he died in a shootout. Blatant lie. Which shootout for a man who did not attempt escape? Senate said nothing. Assembly said nothing. Aandoakah did nothing. The only photograph of the man we have came from BBC. For a case of that profile, who presided? Who ordered the execution? Why has no one spoken? By the way, go to Sahara Reporter (http://www.saharareporters.com) and see both the video of his interrogation and the transcript. Farouk was here and saw how people kill others and get away with it. his father is now presented as the model father. If he sent the boy to Baptist Boys High School, he would not be able to fly around from London too Yemen. Today, he is on record as the first Nigerian to produce a suicide bomber who thought nothing of killing three hundred people. Model father indeed.
We all know that religious crisis will still happen. Someone will carry the fine boy’s photograph one day and call him a hero. Still in the north, NYSC has continued to record annoying deaths of Southern youths. If those murderers in Jos and Bauchi are not terrorists, what are they? Another issue is that all of them look the same, Chad, Bauchi, Sokoto, Niger Republic, Sudan, Somalia, Mali … they all look the same and enter here with impunity. So not every Northerner is a Nigerian. So they come and go as they like. We have such porous borders that Osama Bin Laden himself can live here undetected!
So America says they would help us search us better and we are yelling. And we still cannot guarantee who enters or leaves our country! Nuhu Ribadu came and went and Onovo was embarrassing us on TV telling us he could not do that. Well, he did. We have failed to wipe our arse, they are helping us.
What needs to be done is to reassure Americans. Good they want to install the scanners. They have not supplied petrol but see the speed with which they want to order scanners. This one concerns them. They don’t want Americans poking telescopes inside their …. If it is me, tell me to bend over and I will over bend!
When the scanners arrive, please let them scan for us, we need to know where our president is. Can the scanners do that for us please.
Aha! Farouk, we too have a blame.

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IS NIGERIA INNOCENT OF FAROUK’S BOMB? HELL NO!

January 6, 2010 at 10:16 am (Uncategorized)

The Nigerian situation is tragic. Rather than address real issues, our Government is beating around the bush trying to save face. It beggars belief that the President has been AWOL for over a month yet we carry on as if nothing is amiss. Farouk’s fiery flame was ignited in the wild North, years before his sojourn in Europe and Yemen. By Kene Okoye

Kene speaks my thoughts. How can we say because Farouk did not school in Nigeria therefore he learnt his art somewhere else and we are innocent. America cannot just brand Nigeria. Any fundamentalist that grew up in Northern Nigeria has supervised the killing of Christians, the burning of churches and the looting and burning of government of property. Did Farouk not know about these killings? Did he not hear about Boko Haram or does he not see the fundamentalists that died there as martyrs?
When Muhammed Yusuf was arrested and handed over to the police, we needed to know who sponsored him. We needed to know if he had ties with any terrorist cell. We had questions for him. America would be interested too. The police killed him. The army said they handed him over. The police said it was a lie. BBC… yes BBC published the photograph of the man being handed over. Police changed story. Now the say we should not expect any report, that he died in a shootout. Blatant lie. Which shootout for a man who did not attempt escape? Senate said nothing. Assembly said nothing. Aandoakah did nothing. The only photograph of the man we have came from BBC. For a case of that profile, who presided? Who ordered the execution? Why has no one spoken? By the way, go to Sahara Reporter (http://www.saharareporters.com) and see both the video of his interrogation and the transcript. Farouk was here and saw how people kill others and get away with it. his father is now presented as the model father. If he sent the boy to Baptist Boys High School, he would not be able to fly around from London too Yemen. Today, he is on record as the first Nigerian to produce a suicide bomber who thought nothing of killing three hundred people. Model father indeed.
We all know that religious crisis will still happen. Someone will carry the fine boy’s photograph one day and call him a hero. Still in the north, NYSC has continued to record annoying deaths of Southern youths. If those murderers in Jos and Bauchi are not terrorists, what are they? Another issue is that all of them look the same, Chad, Bauchi, Sokoto, Niger Republic, Sudan, Somalia, Mali … they all look the same and enter here with impunity. So not every Northerner is a Nigerian. So they come and go as they like. We have such porous borders that Osama Bin Laden himself can live here undetected!
So America says they would help us search us better and we are yelling. And we still cannot guarantee who enters or leaves our country! Nuhu Ribadu came and went and Onovo was embarrassing us on TV telling us he could not do that. Well, he did. We have failed to wipe our arse, they are helping us.
What needs to be done is to reassure Americans. Good they want to install the scanners. They have not supplied petrol but see the speed with which they want to order scanners. This one concerns them. They don’t want Americans poking telescopes inside their …. If it is me, tell me to bend over and I will over bend!
When the scanners arrive, please let them scan for us, we need to know where our president is. Can the scanners do that for us please.
Aha! Farouk, we too have a blame.

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IS NIGERIA INNOCENT OF FAROUK’S BOMB? HELL NO!

January 6, 2010 at 10:09 am (Uncategorized)

The Nigerian situation is tragic. Rather than address real issues, our Government is beating around the bush trying to save face. It beggars belief that the President has been AWOL for over a month yet we carry on as if nothing is amiss. Farouk’s fiery flame was ignited in the wild North, years before his sojourn in Europe and Yemen. By Kene Okoye

Kene speaks my thoughts. How can we say because Farouk did not school in Nigeria therefore he learnt his art somewhere else and we are innocent. America cannot just brand Nigeria. Any fundamentalist that grew up in Northern Nigeria has supervised the killing of Christians, the burning of churches and the looting and burning of government of property. Did Farouk not know about these killings? Did he not hear about Boko Haram or does he not see the fundamentalists that died there as martyrs?
When Muhammed Yusuf was arrested and handed over to the police, we needed to know who sponsored him. We needed to know if he had ties with any terrorist cell. We had questions for him. America would be interested too. The police killed him. The army said they handed him over. The police said it was a lie. BBC… yes BBC published the photograph of the man being handed over. Police changed story. Now the say we should not expect any report, that he died in a shootout. Blatant lie. Which shootout for a man who did not attempt escape? Senate said nothing. Assembly said nothing. Aandoakah did nothing. The only photograph of the man we have came from BBC. For a case of that profile, who presided? Who ordered the execution? Why has no one spoken? By the way, go to Sahara Reporter (http://www.saharareporters.com) and see both the video of his interrogation and the transcript. Farouk was here and saw how people kill others and get away with it. his father is now presented as the model father. If he sent the boy to Baptist Boys High School, he would not be able to fly around from London too Yemen. Today, he is on record as the first Nigerian to produce a suicide bomber who thought nothing of killing three hundred people. Model father indeed.
We all know that religious crisis will still happen. Someone will carry the fine boy’s photograph one day and call him a hero. Still in the north, NYSC has continued to record annoying deaths of Southern youths. If those murderers in Jos and Bauchi are not terrorists, what are they? Another issue is that all of them look the same, Chad, Bauchi, Sokoto, Niger Republic, Sudan, Somalia, Mali … they all look the same and enter here with impunity. So not every Northerner is a Nigerian. So they come and go as they like. We have such porous borders that Osama Bin Laden himself can live here undetected!
So America says they would help us search us better and we are yelling. And we still cannot guarantee who enters or leaves our country! Nuhu Ribadu came and went and Onovo was embarrassing us on TV telling us he could not do that. Well, he did. We have failed to wipe our arse, they are helping us.
What needs to be done is to reassure Americans. Good they want to install the scanners. They have not supplied petrol but see the speed with which they want to order scanners. This one concerns them. They don’t want Americans poking telescopes inside their …. If it is me, tell me to bend over and I will over bend!
When the scanners arrive, please let them scan for us, we need to know where our president is. Can the scanners do that for us please.
Aha! Farouk, we too have a blame.

Permalink Leave a Comment

MUCH ADO ABOUT U.S TERROR RATING

January 5, 2010 at 8:03 am (Uncategorized)

It is often surprising how Nigerian officials react to issues, especially ones that are a long time coming. It was humiliating, the way our Prof Dora Akunyili purred demurely, reassuring the US that Nigerians are not terrorists and that it was an isolated case. Her position was supported by the declaration of former president Olusegun Obasanjo, that the U.S should not criminalize Nigerians.
How come we never assess ourselves? We often underplay the impact created by the events in our country and look for someone to heap the blames on. On criminality, the minister has often hinted that it is the few Nigerians who live overseas and engage in criminal activities that give us the bad image. That is to miss the target. America, and any other country for that matter, does not have to make a list of roadside criminals in order to determine the depth of our criminality. They just look at the people that lead us and event in our country and decide. It is here in Nigeria that a speaker of the house was removed for certificate fraud. It is here that a senate president was sacked alongside a minister for education for fraud. It is here that serving senators and members of the house strut and globetrot when they have mind-boggling cases of fraud against them. It is here that … READ THE FULL ARTICLE ON THE RIGHT PANE. LEAVE A COMMENT PLEASE.

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INTRODUCING … WELL, ITS THE SAME OLD OYEKAN … smoking hot!

January 2, 2010 at 10:05 pm (Uncategorized)

Oyekan was my pupil a few years ago in Tai Solarin University of Education Secondary School, Ijebu Ode. He was avoiding my class one morning and I went in search of him. I found him in the school’s Computer Room. He smiled broadly for guilt.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.
He did not take his eyes off me as he replied
‘ I am programming’
He knew better than look away because I might have done something.
I looked at the screen, all blue and the cursor blinking … waiting. Of course, I dragged him back to class with a stern warning.
I perfectly understood that he was not programming. He was only wishing he was. He might not even recall this incident … he has more than a handful of them.
Well, he stuck to his dream and he is an undergraduate at the moment. He is truly making websites and more… hear him

“I am Oyelaja Adebambo Oyekan. I started making websites in high school and the first website I built was to fool my friends at school that I had Internet connection while I didn’t so I made web pages on my computer and had them visit in my room. It worked and they fell for it. After a while I started to get curious and really wanted to learn how these things were really done and that’s how it all began. I am the C.E.O of Cybernator Solutions(www.cybernatorsolutions.com) a fast growing internet company in Nigeria the organizer of the first ever youth software developer conference in Nigeria. Cybernator Solutions summer of code (http://soc.cybernatorsolutions.com). I invented waaazap as an online community where people can contribute, find and share content with their friends and people from around the world You can read more about it at http://www.waaazap.com/index.php?L=info.whywaaazap I have been interviewed on tv, radio and newspapers nationwide and was once metioned as part of the top hundred web developers in Nigeria. I love life, love to have a wild laugh and enhance humanity with my computer skills.”
the only way to see if he is fooling me again is to check him out. Let’s meet now at http://www.waaazap.com. I am waiting for you.

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Iyabo Obasanjo Bello is Yeyemekun of Yorubaland… for doing what?

January 2, 2010 at 7:03 pm (Uncategorized)

While the traditional institution, obviously for obscure patriotic reasons continue to canvass greater roles in the polity, there is no other institution fighting the achieving of their objective other than themselves. SEE FULL ARTICLE ON THE RIGHT PANE. PLEASE DO LEAVE A COMMENT. THE ONLY WAY I WILL KNOW YOU WERE HERE.

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